How do men feel being on a fertility journey and how is it possible to support each other?

bigstock--154407380In my recent post I wrote about how women feel when they go through fertility issues. I received a beautiful comment on this post that said. “Please don’t forget to also talk about men and their feelings being on this journey”. Thank you for bringing it up – I love receiving your comments. I was planning on doing an extra post for men and this will be the topic today.

Men always seem very strong, which of course is also something that society (sadly) expects from them, but how does their inner world look like wanting to become a dad? And going through fertility issues and a waiting period with their loved one?

They often don’t know how much of their pain they should show and how much is better to hide. They might also feel overwhelmed by their feelings because they maybe weren’t raised talking about them or sharing them. At the same time feeling the same pain as their wife does makes them often think they need to be the strong one in the relationship, which unfortunately often leads to the assumption that they don’t care that much.

Continue reading

Prince Harry before and after – what a life saver it had been for him opening up about his feelings…

Daisy Flower In The Desert

This week I read a very interesting interview about Prince Harry. He speaks about how he had shut down his feelings after his mom died when he was 12 years old. We all remember the scandalous headlines about him in his twenties and beyond. He opened up now in his latest interview about how lost he had been during this time and how he had never allowed himself to be sad about his mom’s death. He thought, being sad and thinking of her wouldn’t bring her back anyway.

As sad as it is…it is true, but still our body and mind need to grief in order to process our feelings. Emotions come with motions (as the word says e-motion) and they need their outlet. If they don’t have one they will keep boiling inside. We can live like that for a while, because we will have the perfect inner managers in line, who will distract us constantly, so we won’t even come near our sad feelings. Distracting with things such as work, parties, excessive sports, alcohol, drugs and so on. In extremis we will feel like a stranger to us.

Doesn’t Prince Harry’s former scandalous headlines start to make sense now…? Continue reading

Who can I open up to during tough times and to whom better not..?

bigstock--141879596‘There is no grief like that one that does not speak.’ Indeed there is nothing more healing than opening up to a friend about our struggles. It brings pure sunshine into our day – we feel connected and supported. However what if we open up to someone and we are not heard and seen? The person either changed the subject or started to talk about his/her own issues or said platitudes such as “all will be fine”. Now our vulnerable feelings are all out there and we are left alone with them. What if this person is a good friend or family member? Someone we thought we are safe with and we thought is caring about us…why do people have reactions like this?

Unfortunately, because we are so close, we always have higher expectations towards friends and family members, it is unavoidable to not become emotional about it. Of course most people’s intention is to support, they just often don’t know how. When everything is great in life, it is easy to get along, but when life happens and people struggle we need each other. However not everybody is always a good match during this time. No matter how close we are.

We would think reasons for this behavior could be, they are in a different life situation or they have their own issues or are from another generation. What I have learned along the way is, it comes down to only one reason: Continue reading

Introduction

cropped-bigstock-coffee-cup-on-wood-table-at-su-933889911.jpgDear Reader,

This blog is about my fertility and adoption journey. It was a period of 7 years and is was the hardest time I have been through in my life.

My fertility coach became my greatest support all along our journey and even beyond. Through her I learned about the healing method called IFS (Internal Family System), which I will write about in this blog, too. It was my life changer.

I will share with you my experiences and what has helped me along the way. I hope it will be helpful and supportive to you as well as to your family and friends, because unfortunately they often don’t know how to be the right support during this time.

You will find all different kind of topics throughout the blog, such as Family, Friends, IVF, Grieving, Collateral Beauty, Society, Confidence, Adoption, Feelings, IFS (Internal Family System) and I am sure many more along the way.

Enjoy reading and don’t forget you are not alone in this!