How often do we hear and read about the magic sentence ARE YOU HAPPY? We all want to answer with a straight YES of course – but how difficult is this, if we go through difficult times, whether it is at work, in a relationship, illness, whatever life has in store for us or as in our case going through infertility…
In some life situations we are in control and have the power to change something, if we are unhappy, but sometimes we are not. We are helpless and powerless about the outcome and that is the most exhausting situation to be in.
My husband and I while we were on our fertility journey we were often concerned to turn into a bitter couple which cannot be around their friends anymore, because everybody had kids and it seemed to happen so naturally to them that it even caused a feeling of failure and shame in us…There were tons of feelings going on, strange ones…I sometimes thought I am losing myself. Year after year no changes, year after year more and more pregnancy announcements and year after year more and more “No” on our side. I felt our life was put on hold and only the others got to move on…
Something had to change; I did not want to live like that.
That was the time when I started to work with my fertility coach, when I had the chance to talk about all these strange feelings that made it so hard to even feel a glimpse of happiness, even though I badly wanted to be happy, but it was sometimes just impossible.
I learned through my coach to allow my hurt feelings to be, acknowledge what they had to say and not to push them away but rather embrace them. That wasn’t easy because I wanted to get rid of them and not holding on to them let alone liking them. However through this IFS method of managing and dealing my own feelings I learned to build this understanding and loving relationship and that led to the result that my feelings felt heard and seen and therefore calmed down. This way my true Self could rise again and I got my compassion, confidence and power back which made it possible to feel genuinely happy for all the other things in life, my husband, my friends and family and so on. Happiness and love were no longer buried under sadness, frustration and despair.
Listening and allowing my feelings did first step towards happiness. Nevertheless another step had to follow in order to be able to stay on this healthy path; I had to get to know my needs. Those needs that kept my engine running, my batteries full and therefore my life energy on a good level. I learned to nurture my five senses. I did whatever felt good to me. I led my body lead not my brain. I did go running not for an accomplishment cause, but because it felt good to my body being in nature. My husband and I we took every chance to travel and we so much enjoyed exploring the US on many fascinating road trips. I tried to see my friends on a regular basis because talking and being with them felt really good and I needed that connection.
The beauty lays in the ordinary…
Following and listening to my needs was the next step towards happiness. We were still in the middle of our journey and nothing had changed it got even worse, more devastating experiences and therefore more No, but somehow we could cope with it better and we even started to play with the thought that it would be OK having no kids. We found this balance because we allowed our sad feelings as well as our joyful feelings to be…the pendulum could swing in both directions and that gave us our balance.
For Balance Yoga Poses we say: Balance requires opposition.
Same for body, mind and soul.
I am convinced, if we treat ourselves kindly and allow any feeling to be and take care of our needs in order to refill our batteries – Then we have a great chance to feel true happiness.
We all seek for happiness and want to be happy, but it doesn’t come easy we need to do something for it. As Einstein put it: Life is like riding a bike. In order to keep your balance you need moving!
Maybe we should rephrase this overwhelming question from “Are you happy” to “What makes you feeling happy”? I am sure this is easier to answer and let’s be honest great food for thought.
I like to close with my favorite quote, because it perfectly sums it up: The happiest of people don’t have everything; they just make the best of everything.
So what makes you happy and what are your needs? 🙂